Five Tips for Obtaining and Retaining a Job at dojo4

by Steve Bailey

Since we're hiring at dojo4, I thought I'd put together a little tip sheet on how to get and keep a job here. Heck, they hired Garett, so why not you?

1. When applying, ask for the paper application

Sample question from the online dojo4 job application
Sample question from the online dojo4 job application

It's a little known fact that dojo4 allows job applicants to submit paper applications. There's a lot of mumbo jumbo about having a robust GitHub repetoire, but that's total BS.

...As is the online application, which is riven with trick questions.

Case in point, when I filled the thing out, one of the questions was "Have you ever been charged with a felony? If no, why not?"

I'm pretty sure the whole process is illegal, but at least on the paper application you can answer in crayon—super-helpful for writing out source code.

2. Whatever you do, don't agree to an in-person interview at Ara's house

Ara's double-decker outhouse
Ara's "double-decker" outhouse

Again, totally illegal. You'd think candidates would smell the trap from a mile away, especially when they're asked to bring "old trousers and a tyvek suit", but no.

You see, folks, Ara is from Alaska, and despite having perfectly adequate plumbing at home, he requires family and friends to use his one-of-a-kind "double-decker" outhouse.

Naturally, the thing needs regular maintenance. Hence, the tyvek suit.

To date, three candidates have fallen in. They remain interred side-by-side.

3. After you're hired, don't let Anthony talk you into going out for a beer

Steve after a night on the town with Anthony

People who visit our office often fail to notice the handsome, soft-spoken designer in the back room. Those who do just assume he's another Boulder artiste whiling away the hours making the world more beautiful.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Anthony's not just another hipster with questionable sartorial tastes; he's one of the power elite—a lifetime member of Yale's infamous Skull and Bones secret society—not to mention a world-class drinker.

During my first week on the job, I made the mistake of going out with him for a "quick beer" after work and woke up the next day in my boxers astride the waterfall at Coors Field with a dojo4 brand on my inner thigh.

Guy's an animal. Beware.

4. Play an active role in the community

Wallflowers and introverts need not apply
Wallflowers and introverts need not apply

To ensure a tech biz stays relevant these days you have to foster innovation, nourish experimentation, and plant as many seeds in the community as possible.

Our Creative Director, Peter McEwen, has taken this to the next level with a plan to keep dojo4 in the public eye and develop the next generation of creative employee.

The details of the plan are, naturally, under NDA, but he assures us he's laying the foundation every night after he goes home.

5. When Corey says jump, you say "How high?"

dojo4 doesn't give a rat's ass about your health and happiness
dojo4 doesn't give a rat's ass about your health and happiness

Most offices strive to create a safe space where employees feel comfortable sharing ideas and contributing to a healthy atmosphere. Not so at dojo4.

Despite numerous blog posts extolling the virtues of a healthy workplace (Exhibit A, Exhibit B, yadda-yadda-yadda), Corey's contention is that "a fearful employee is an obedient employee."

In point of fact, we're currently doing an office-wide "organizational development workshop" led by inmates from one of the state's supermax prisons.

I have no idea how learning to fashion a shank from corn forks and pruno is a team-building exercise, but I've learned to keep my mouth shut. You should too if you want to see your next birthday.

Good luck.